Odyn nhw'n chwarae llawer o rygbi yn Norwy?

Ymddiheuriadau am y Saesneg, ond roedd rhaid postio hwn. Neges rwy' newydd dderbyn gan fy ffrind Ian, sydd ddim yn wilia Susneg.

Siopwr: I wish to complain about this outside half what I called up not a month ago from England.

Perchennog: Oh yes, the, uh, the Wilkinson...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

S: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's injured, that's what's wrong with it!

P: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

S: Look, matey, I know an injured outside half when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

P: No no he's not injured, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable player, the Wilkinson, didn't I say? He won the world cup!

S: The world cup don't enter into it. It's injured.

P: No, no, no! 'E's resting!

S: Alright then, if he's restin', I'll play him! 'Ello, Mister Wilkinson! I've got a lovely rugby match for you if you show...

P: There, he moved!

S: No, he didn't, that was you pushing him over!

P: I never!!

S: Yes, you did!

P: I never, never did anything...

S: (yelling and hitting Wilkinson repeatedly) 'ELLO WILKO!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! (Picks Wilko up and thumps his head on the wall. Props him up on his feet and watches him plummet to the floor.) Now that's what I call an injured outside half.

P: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

S: STUNNED?!?

P: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Wilkinsons stun easily.

S: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That outside half is definitely deceased, and when I called him up it not a month ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged game with Newcastle.

P: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for Martin Johnson.

S: PININ' for Martin Johnson?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im to New Zealand?

P: Wilkinson prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable player, id'nit, squire? Won the world cup!

S: Look, I took the liberty of examining that player when I got it to New Zealand, and I discovered the only reason that it had been kicking goals for Newcastle in the first place was that his leg had been fastened on with a butterfly pin.
(pause)

P: Well, o'course it was fastened on! If I hadn't done that, it would have put too much stress on the poor man after coming back from such a long injury. He's got plenty of Ooomph.

S: "OOMPH"?!? Mate, this player wouldn't "oomph" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

P: No no! 'E's pining!

S: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's injured! This player is no good! He has ceased to play! 'E's crocked and gone to be a pundit for the BBC! 'E's a liability! Bereft of flair, 'e warms the bench! If you hadn't pinned his leg on 'e'd be missing easy touch kicks! 'Is mercurial performances are now 'istory! 'E's off the England team! 'E's kicked the last drop goal, 'e's shuffled off 'is pedastal, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' honours list!! THIS IS AN EX-PLAYER!!

(pause)

P: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Wilkinsons.

S: I see. I see, I get the picture.

P: I got a Hodgson.

(pause)

S: Pray, does it kick?

P: Nnnnot really.

S: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

P: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

S: Well?

pause)

P: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

S: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.